keeping it all in the family: intergenerational trauma
28 June 2024
As I wrote in my last blog post, “The dangers of resentment”, emotions that are suppressed within the individual and family dynamic can have a direct impact on the survival of a family business, and indeed family members themselves. I know how this feels, having grown up as the third generation of a family business which has since ceased to exist.
Even before I was born, the conflicts and challenges to setting up and running the business were there: poverty, violence and survival during World War II and civil unrest as immigrants, all of which were compounded by the divisions that plague big families where succession planning is both arbitrary and unclear. Shame, blame and grief left their long shadows which still linger through the generations.
The term ‘intergenerational trauma’ refers to the way in which psychological challenges experienced by people in one generation may be transmitted down to, and impact, those in another. No family or individual remains untouched by their past, and in order to move forwards, proactive steps need to be taken to address the negative consequences of intergenerational trauma before falling into a familiar pattern of reactive fire-fighting to put out the blazes. In my work I have unfortunately witnessed various family businesses fully ablaze – and it has often fallen on the younger generations to blow the first whistle.
Like canaries in a mine that stop singing, they can’t help but react to any toxicity with symptoms of distress (in canaries this includes difficulty breathing, decreased activity and even falling off their perch). Is anyone watching out for the rising generation and how they are acclimatising? Whatever noxious fumes they sniff out may be the very clues that will pinpoint trouble areas that have become the norm over time, and which will help the business to remain successful when addressed in time with the right attention and resources.
This action to transform the work culture requires future-thinking leadership that also considers the heritage of its founding family members. Not only may such influences be mired in the complexities of the historical, political, and socio-economic landscape of the past, in addition to the perils of ordinary existence, but even biological processes have a direct impact on the psychology and behaviour of families. Research in epigenetics is increasingly demonstrating that we may pass on trauma in our genes to our offspring.
“Studies on Holocaust survivors and their children carried out in 2020 by Prof. Rachel Yehuda at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Medical School, New York, revealed that the effects of parental trauma can indeed be passed on in this way. Her first study showed that participants carried changes to a gene linked to levels of cortisol, which is involved in the stress response. In 2021, Yehuda and her team carried out more work to find expression changes in genes linked to immune-system function. These changes weaken the barrier of white blood cells, which allows the immune system to get improperly involved in the central nervous system. This interference has been linked to depression, anxiety, psychosis and autism.”[1]
This might sound like a dooms-day scenario, condemning the future generations of ancestors with traumatic experiences to potentially depend on psychopharmaceuticals and therapy indefinitely. The good news? It turns out that we can pass on trust and compassion in the same way. And these are two pillars that I help my clients and their family businesses build on when confronting the past, in order to build back better.
When my clients first come to see me, I see the following ways that intergenerational trauma manifests in their lives, much like it did in my own:
Communication: Patterns of poor communication, avoidance, or conflict may have been passed down through generations, leading to misunderstandings, further communication breakdown and unresolved tensions within the family business. The exact problems here can also be the trickiest to identify, because communication styles create the very frameworks we think in, and hence may become blind spots to ourselves.
Mistrust: Poor communication combined with previous generations' traumatic experiences may have led to a pervasive sense of mistrust or the need for excessive control, stifling innovation and causing friction among family members.
Resistance to change: Traumatic past experiences can impact our neurological circuits, resulting in a rigid adherence to the status quo. This affects decision-making and creates clashes with fresh ideas (often stemming from the rising generation), making it difficult for businesses to adapt and evolve in response to market changes.
Emotional repression: Family members may have suppressed emotions or avoided addressing sensitive topics (usually only known to the family in an unwritten code), which may have led to unresolved emotional issues that affect interpersonal relationships and decision-making too.
Role confusion and pressure: The expectations and pressures placed on younger generations to fulfil roles defined by past family dynamics could have caused stress, anxiety, and a lack of clarity about their own identity and contributions to the business. My NextGen clients tend to emphasise personal purpose in all that they do, and this can get lost in succumbing to the pressures and pre-prepared roles that they have experienced years being groomed for.
Our understanding of epigenetics and its ability to greatly accelerate evolutionary adaptation can help us strive to be the ancestors our future generations need. Therein lies the potential for lasting solutions to the above-mentioned challenges. Change starts to happen to overturn the negative “legacy” of intergenerational trauma through deep inner work in an empathetic safe space to mindfully explore one’s family dynamics and its impact on our own actions and decisions.
Like the laws of kinetics, any momentum gained will inevitably go on to impact and energise the rest of the family. By using therapeutically-applied neuroplasticity – or the ability of our brains to rewire themselves at any age – we are able to heal from trauma, manage anxiety, set mindful goals, make healthy decisions for ourselves and the business, and build a new family legacy based on trust and compassion for generations.
Will you be the first one to start discovering change for yourself today?
He hasn’t lost his head (yet) — a Gloster canary with its trademark bowl feathercut.
[1] Critchlow, H. (2024, June 17). The big idea: Can you inherit memories from your ancestors? The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/books/article/2024/jun/17/the-big-idea-can-you-inherit-memories-from-your-ancestors